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WHEN AN ENGLISH MAJOR HELPS WITH MATH……

So remember a few weeks ago when I said I feel like a biggity buzz kill sometimes, but I would not not not inflict my thoughts on my kids? I vowed to let them go and watch them fly. As it turns out,...

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LIVING THE VIDA LOCA….WITH THE MOUSE.

I’m baaa-aaack. I thought about running away in my flip flops for reals this time, but let’s face it, we all know I ain’t that fast. The fam and I finally took the plunge and did the Disney trip over...

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WON’T YOU BE MY NEIGHBOR? (NO, REALLY, WON’T YOU? WHY WON’T YOU? PLEASE?)

Won’t you be my neighbor? I promise I won’t spy over your hedges, park a rusty car in my yard, and will always lend you a cup of sugar. Or beer.  The house next door has been on the market for several...

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10 E-Z TIPS FOR GETTING YOUR PIC TAKEN WITH A CELEB (LIKE, I DUNNO, SETH MEYERS)

1. Make sure you bathe that day. (I did!) Add 1 point. 2. Wear shoes that you’ve mastered walking in. (I did!) Avoid wedges that may cause you to tumble head first into said celeb. (Shockingly, I did...

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BUT OFFICER, I WASN’T AWARE I HAD ARSE PROBLEMS, TOO!

So last week I’m cruising along right near my house with two of my boys when I drive by a police officer running a speed trap. “Ah ha!” I thought to myself as I slurped my Dunks, “Some suckah’s gettin’...

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YOU HAVE A QUESTION? I HAVE AN ANSWER! (DEFINITELY. PROBABLY. WELL, I MIGHT.)

Last week my seven year old asked if we could get an indoor pool. I tried to give him a quick throwdown in economics that roughly amounted to we’re not rich, famous, rich and famous, richly famous or...

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THIS IS MY BRAIN ON…SUMMER?

I need something to blame. My brain, well, it’s not functioning properly. Lack of sleep? Eh, that’s not new. Adult beverages? No. I survived college with brain cells intact so that ain’t it. I’m...

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THE TALE OF A $270 MIGRAINE

Yesterday I woke up and it felt like Mickey Ward was trying to fight his way right out of my head. A migraine plus sinusy allergy fun relegated me to a heap in my bed until lunchtime. Fist bump to the...

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OH WINTER, LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO!

I hope everyone is enjoying winter—especially all of you who live in warmer climes you lucky bastards. No hard feelings! Even 4 year old is over it. He asked me “When can we see the grass again?” on...

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STEP AWAY FROM THE CORN ON THE COB AND NO ONE GETS HURT!

Confession: I can be very impatient. They say patience is a virtue, but it’s not a virtue that shares my DNA. Perhaps it went missing with my waistline. And my dowry. And my ability to do long...

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