WHEN AN ENGLISH MAJOR HELPS WITH MATH……
So remember a few weeks ago when I said I feel like a biggity buzz kill sometimes, but I would not not not inflict my thoughts on my kids? I vowed to let them go and watch them fly. As it turns out,...
View ArticleLIVING THE VIDA LOCA….WITH THE MOUSE.
I’m baaa-aaack. I thought about running away in my flip flops for reals this time, but let’s face it, we all know I ain’t that fast. The fam and I finally took the plunge and did the Disney trip over...
View ArticleWON’T YOU BE MY NEIGHBOR? (NO, REALLY, WON’T YOU? WHY WON’T YOU? PLEASE?)
Won’t you be my neighbor? I promise I won’t spy over your hedges, park a rusty car in my yard, and will always lend you a cup of sugar. Or beer. The house next door has been on the market for several...
View Article10 E-Z TIPS FOR GETTING YOUR PIC TAKEN WITH A CELEB (LIKE, I DUNNO, SETH MEYERS)
1. Make sure you bathe that day. (I did!) Add 1 point. 2. Wear shoes that you’ve mastered walking in. (I did!) Avoid wedges that may cause you to tumble head first into said celeb. (Shockingly, I did...
View ArticleBUT OFFICER, I WASN’T AWARE I HAD ARSE PROBLEMS, TOO!
So last week I’m cruising along right near my house with two of my boys when I drive by a police officer running a speed trap. “Ah ha!” I thought to myself as I slurped my Dunks, “Some suckah’s gettin’...
View ArticleYOU HAVE A QUESTION? I HAVE AN ANSWER! (DEFINITELY. PROBABLY. WELL, I MIGHT.)
Last week my seven year old asked if we could get an indoor pool. I tried to give him a quick throwdown in economics that roughly amounted to we’re not rich, famous, rich and famous, richly famous or...
View ArticleTHIS IS MY BRAIN ON…SUMMER?
I need something to blame. My brain, well, it’s not functioning properly. Lack of sleep? Eh, that’s not new. Adult beverages? No. I survived college with brain cells intact so that ain’t it. I’m...
View ArticleTHE TALE OF A $270 MIGRAINE
Yesterday I woke up and it felt like Mickey Ward was trying to fight his way right out of my head. A migraine plus sinusy allergy fun relegated me to a heap in my bed until lunchtime. Fist bump to the...
View ArticleOH WINTER, LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO!
I hope everyone is enjoying winter—especially all of you who live in warmer climes you lucky bastards. No hard feelings! Even 4 year old is over it. He asked me “When can we see the grass again?” on...
View ArticleSTEP AWAY FROM THE CORN ON THE COB AND NO ONE GETS HURT!
Confession: I can be very impatient. They say patience is a virtue, but it’s not a virtue that shares my DNA. Perhaps it went missing with my waistline. And my dowry. And my ability to do long...
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